Some Funnies

As the name suggests, this is where you have fun. Please keep it clean.

Postby Bushbaby » Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:21 am

lol
http://www.snakebiteassist.co.za
http://www.reptileexpo.co.za
http://www.boaconstrictors.co.za
User avatar
Bushbaby
SA Reptiles Admin
 
Posts: 10591
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:04 am
Location: Pretoria

Postby Bushbaby » Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:10 pm

There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked
everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,
"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around
and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a
woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love
to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next
day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????............................



OH, come on...take a guess!


Think about it


(You're going to love this!)


And the moral is


...You can't kill two birds with one stone
http://www.snakebiteassist.co.za
http://www.reptileexpo.co.za
http://www.boaconstrictors.co.za
User avatar
Bushbaby
SA Reptiles Admin
 
Posts: 10591
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:04 am
Location: Pretoria

Postby Sean » Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:18 pm

LOL
billygoats taste of chicken
User avatar
Sean
SA Reptiles Honorary Member
 
Posts: 1626
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:22 am
Location: Mandela Bridge

Postby viper200 » Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:26 pm

LOL :-)
viper200
SA Reptiles Member
 
Posts: 267
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2005 8:44 am
Location: Witbank

Postby feri » Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:29 pm

TIPS FOR 2006



Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always
circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment
>from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain
>and check that it has gone.



Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the
object you wish to view.



Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but
you'll also be getting paid for it.




Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate
bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the
first place, you fat b******d.



Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by
filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then
urinating into it, before jumping in.



Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating
cake again.



An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.



Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by
running a bit slower.



Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag
>from the butt of your last one.



Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or
veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat
substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the
difference.



Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt
be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about
yours, and ask for a nice steak.



High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.



Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your roof.



Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before
starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it

may as well look like one.



A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep.



Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging
your feet twice on each stair.



At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer
Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.



Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All

he's interested in is seeing you starkers.



Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.



AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast
wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.



HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid
for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the
other in your coat pocket.



DON'T INVITE DRUG ADDICTS round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find
the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
User avatar
feri
SA Reptiles Member
 
Posts: 629
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:01 pm
Location: kibler park

Postby Gabi » Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:34 pm

LOL!!
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
User avatar
Gabi
SA Reptiles Honorary Member
 
Posts: 1075
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:25 am
Location: Gauteng

Postby Bushbaby » Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:36 pm

lol! Some of those are really good.
http://www.snakebiteassist.co.za
http://www.reptileexpo.co.za
http://www.boaconstrictors.co.za
User avatar
Bushbaby
SA Reptiles Admin
 
Posts: 10591
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:04 am
Location: Pretoria

Postby snake-5 » Mon Jan 23, 2006 3:17 pm

he he he good ones
MY RETICS ARE ADIMANT THAT PEOPLE TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.

Im Zenafobic... that zena chick from t.v scares the cr@# out of me.
User avatar
snake-5
SA Reptiles Member
 
Posts: 1748
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 8:40 am
Location: South Coast

Postby Bushviper » Mon Jan 23, 2006 7:38 pm

Feri do they call you "O wise one" at work? You seem to have numerous answers to pressing problems.
It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Those who are afraid to ask are ashamed of learning.
User avatar
Bushviper
Founder Member
 
Posts: 17358
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 10:02 am
Location: Pretoria

Postby feri » Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:52 am

lol
User avatar
feri
SA Reptiles Member
 
Posts: 629
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:01 pm
Location: kibler park

Postby feri » Tue Jan 24, 2006 9:07 am

the okes @ work stay away from me. :D
User avatar
feri
SA Reptiles Member
 
Posts: 629
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:01 pm
Location: kibler park

Postby Bushbaby » Tue Jan 24, 2006 9:45 am

I don't blame them. lol
http://www.snakebiteassist.co.za
http://www.reptileexpo.co.za
http://www.boaconstrictors.co.za
User avatar
Bushbaby
SA Reptiles Admin
 
Posts: 10591
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:04 am
Location: Pretoria

Postby Sean » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:08 am

LOL excallent thread
billygoats taste of chicken
User avatar
Sean
SA Reptiles Honorary Member
 
Posts: 1626
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:22 am
Location: Mandela Bridge

Postby feri » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:32 am

SARS

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing
the desert without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's
crawling through the sand, certain that he has Breathed his last,
when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand
several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what
looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But
this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a SOUTH AFRICAN REVENUE
SERVICES badge and a dull grey dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind
one ear. "Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You
have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust a
SARS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is
right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and
drink." ***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen,
and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "OK,
cowpoke, what's your second wish." "My second wish is that I were rich
beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF***
The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold
coins and precious gems. "OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more
wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the
man says. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want
and need me." ***POOF***
He is turned into a tampon

And, the moral of the story:
If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
User avatar
feri
SA Reptiles Member
 
Posts: 629
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:01 pm
Location: kibler park

Postby feri » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:49 am

A husband working abroad wrote to his wife...

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart.

Your husband,

Allen




His wife replied...

Sweetheart Dearest,

Thanks for the 100 kisses, below is the list of expenses...
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man agreed only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan the same for next month? Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart,

Josephine
User avatar
feri
SA Reptiles Member
 
Posts: 629
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:01 pm
Location: kibler park

PreviousNext

Return to Fun and games

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron