Some Funnies

As the name suggests, this is where you have fun. Please keep it clean.

Postby feri » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:51 am

A woman, pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the
abdomen.

Luckily the babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets
in because it's too risky to operate.

She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

They were fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room
in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was urinating and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay
and explains what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was urinating and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells
her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay," says
the Mom, "I know what happened. You were urinating and a bullet came
out."

"No," says the boy, "I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
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Postby feri » Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:32 am

Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a while

his teacher got worried and asked him about it. Jabu's answer was: "Our

house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same

bed.

Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' Then I say 'no'

and then he donners me and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "when your father asks again, keep dead

quiet and don?t answer". The following morning Jabu comes to school and his

eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.

But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again.

"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"

He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again... 'Jabu are you sleeping?...

and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started

doing...

you know, mos... 'IT' on the bed. Then my father asks my mother: 'Are

you coming?' then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered ... 'Yes'.


Not wanting to get left behind, I also answered and said 'wait for me,

I'm also coming, let me just put on my shoes!' THAT'S WHEN I WAS MOERED!!!
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Postby feri » Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:38 am

Gamat and his broe were out on a all night jol in long street. Being
in the wee early hours of the morning and no busses running - the two were forced to take a rustige walk home to Mitchells Plain.

After a moerse lot of walking they eventually passed the bus depot. Gamat, being the brains of the outfit - tuned his broe to jump over the fence and steal one of the buses so they can cruz home, while he watches out for the cops.

So the broe agrees and jumps over the fence. After a few minutes Gamat
hears the loud sound of a bus starting up, moving around a bit and switching off.
A minute later - on goes another bus, drives around and off again!!
This continues for a good few minutes... Eventually Gamat rekons "f*k dit - this broe is mos taking me for a blerrie fool" and he decides to continue walking home. As he starts walking he hears a moerrrse crash!!!

His broe stops next to him with the bus and tunes him jump in!!!!
Gamat asks him, pissed off like all hell, "WAAAAT DE F*K HET DJY GEDOEN DAAR?????????"
To which he replies, "J*RRA MY BROE, WIET JY HOEVEEL F*KKEN BUSSE EK MOES UIT DIE F*KKEN WAY TREK OM BY DIE MITCHELLS PLAIN BUS TE KOM!!!!!!!"
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Postby Bushbaby » Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:45 am

Those are classic Feri. lol
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Postby Gabi » Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:52 am

LMAO!!!
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
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Postby snake-5 » Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:36 pm

he he he
MY RETICS ARE ADIMANT THAT PEOPLE TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.

Im Zenafobic... that zena chick from t.v scares the cr@# out of me.
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Postby elapid » Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:00 pm

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8
children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus
arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her 8 children
are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to
walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the
stick of the blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of
rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!"
The blind man replies, "If you would have put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus right now, so shut up.
__________________________________________________

Elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing.

So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.



'Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."



That evening, the wife is in the kombuis cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response. So he walks up to the kombuis door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"



"Damn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!"

__________________________________________________


Some friends were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, sitting with her legs apart and she wasn't wearing any nickers under her dress! !

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kombuis to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.

She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you R500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is really interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and as John doesn't, he should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of R500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

John then quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you R500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me R500".

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed R500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

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Postby Snakes Incorporated » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:48 pm

Elapid wrote: He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.


Very Good :lol:
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Postby feri » Wed Jan 25, 2006 10:01 am

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "sh*t."
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