Some Funnies

[Dangaboy]

Seuntjie klim op bus vir skool, en toe hy gaan sit begin hy sing:
"As my pa 'n leeu was en my ma was leeu, dan was ek 'n leeuwelpie!
As my pa 'n koning was en my ma 'n koninging, dan was ek 'n prins!"
Busdrywer raak befok en geiriteerd met die klein laaitie se singery!
Toe laaitie weer begin sing, se die drywer hoogs befok:
"As jou pa 'n poepol was, en jou ma 'n hoer, wat was jy dan ?"
Laaitie antwoord, "Seker 'n busdrywer oom!"

[Dangaboy]

Die seuntjie vloek verskriklik. Ma is al radeloos. Ten einde laaste besluit
sy sy gaan hom begin foeter wanneer en sodra hy weer vloek.Die volgende oggend aan ontbyttafel vra die ma die seuntjie wat hy vir ontbyt wil hê.

"'n Bord van daai fo***n lekker mieliepap 'seblief Ma" antwoord hy. DWAAAA, klink dit soos sy ma hom teen die kop klap. "Ek vra wat jy vir ontbyt wil hê mannetjie!!"
'n Bord van daai fo***n mieliepap seblief Ma" antwoord hy weer.
Hierdie keer pot sy hom met die vuis teen die skouer dat hy byna van die
stoel af val. "Ek vra wat jy vir ontbyt wil hê" gil sy, totaal buite beheer.

"Gee dan maar fo***n Post Toasties!!!! Net 'n poephol sal weer vir mieliepap vra."

[MAX.]

lol dit is goet

[Bushbaby]

lol - Dangaboy - now you need to translate it too.

[Dangaboy]

There is just no English explanations for some of the Afrikaans words!! What would you call a "werfetter" in English? Just doesn't work!! As jou pa 'n poepol was en jou ma 'n hoer = If your dad was a backside and your mom a prostitute!! eish!! nee wat.............

[Bushbaby]

lol

[Dangaboy]

Vrystaat

A Freestate farmer walks into the bar where he spent every Saturday afternoon. He was disappointed to find that a Japanese oke was sitting on the chair he always sits on. "You are sitting op my stoel! " he shouted. In a split second the Jap got up and knocked the farmer
off his feet. Only after a few minutes the farmer regained his consciousness and asked: "What was that?". "Zat was martial arts fzom my countzy Japan," said the Jap as he walked off.
The next week the farmer was very surprised to find the same Jap sitting on his chair again. "You are sitting alweer op my stoel!" said the farmer. Before he knew it the Jap oak got up and knocked him out for the second time. After a few moments the farmer asked: "What was that?". "Zat was karate fzom my countzy Japan."
A week later the farmer came prepared and as he expected the Jap was once again sitting on his chair: "So, you are sitting alweer op my stoel jou klein skrefie ook #$%^ - Vatso!" said the farmer and knocked the Jap totally unconscious. A few hours later the Jap regained his consciousness and asked:"What was Zat?" The farmer said with a grin on his face:" That was an Isuzu 3 liter turbo diesel bakkie's wheel spanner - FROM YOUR COUNTRY JAPAN!"

[Bushbaby]

lol

[feri]

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own
phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is At site. After
junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady
that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on
the mobile. (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return
from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap,
while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people 4rm
neighborhood rushed around to know de cause of this. de man asked junior
to tell everybody wat the lady said to him when he called, junior said
"the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment Pls Try
Again Later

[Bushbaby]

All the more reason why men should have a personalised voice mail!! ha! ha! That one was excellent though.

[feri]

A Nigerian, a Mozambican and a South African are sitting in a South African pub having a pint of beer.


The Nigerian grabs his beer, downs it, throws his glass into the air, draws a handgun and shoots the glass in mid-air. He grins at the other two, puts the gun down on the bar and shouts:

"In Nigeria we have so many glasses we never drink out of the same glass twice."



The Mozambican then downs his beer, throws his glass into the air, grabs the gun off the bar, shoots the glass, puts the gun back on the bar and says:

"Heela, in Mozambique we have so much sand which makes glass really cheap, so we too, never drink out of the same glass twice."



The South African finishes his beer, puts the glass down on the bar, picks up the gun, shoots both the Nigerian and Mozambican and says to the barman:

"In South Africa we have so many Nigerians and Mozambicans that we never have to drink with the same
ones twice."

[feri]

For those who don't know, The Herald is a "newspaper" in Harare.

The woman at the bookshop in Harare wanted to advertise the launch of the latest Harry Potter book in The Herald.



She calls up The Herald and says: "Can I speak to somebody about putting an advert in the paper about the new Harry Potter book."

Reply: "Yes, I am Harry Potter."

She says: "No, you don't understand. There is a new book on Harry Potter and I need to put an advert in the paper."

Reply: "Yes, I am Harry Potter."

She says: "YOU ARE NOT HARRY POTTER!"

Reply: "I am Harry Potter"

The woman gets angry and slams down the phone. She calls again - this time the same thing, the person calling himself Harry Potter.



Finally, she calls her assistant and asks him to phone and speak to the person in Shona, which he does.

A couple of minutes later her assistant is laughing on the phone - he gives the message and hangs up.

What's so funny?

The man from the Herald was saying: " I em a repota"

[Bushbaby]

Eish I can't believe!!

[feri]

Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep.

Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".

Robin replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute.

Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Batman?"

Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:

"Robin, you f*-ing idiot, someone has stolen our tent"

[feri]

> > A well dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and found
> > himself
> beside
> > a scrungy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in

> > his hand.
> >
> > The attorney leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up

> > to
the
> > light, slurring "Well, it looks like plastic." Then he rolled it
> > between
> his
> > fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber."
> >
> > Curious, the lawyer asked, "What do you have there mister?"
> >
> > The drunk stammered, "Damn if I know, but it looks like plastic
and
feels
> > like rubber."
> >
> > The lawyer said, "Let me take a look." And the drunk handed it
over.

> > The attorney rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined

> > it
> closely.
> > "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't

> > know
> what
> > it is. Where did you get it anyway?"
> >
> > The drunk replied, "Outta my nose."